How many breaths are there?

How many breaths are there between the first life that provides one and then our final exhalation? How many minutes are there between the two? I can remember my mother telling me when she was young that it saddened her to read about someone young who had passed away. But even back then she was wondering what if that person had a wonderful and fulfilling life…even if she was shorter than we think is “normal”. Why should that make one sad? I have known many people who have lived very long lives but did not appreciate it and were insensitive and unkind. Is it better to live 30 years and always be happy and in awe of the wonders of life or to live 87 years and be bitter and resentful every single day?

So it seems to me that it’s not the total number of minutes that make up your life… but what you do with those minutes.

I think of all the minutes I have used in my life up to the present date and see if I feel they were put to good use. I realize there are periods of time in my life where time was foolishly wasted. That I put a higher value on someone else’s time and personal value far more than I put on my own.

Somehow… my upbringing conditioned me to put someone else’s needs above my own. That it would help me to be a better person… or at least a more humble person. What I experienced was that this only caused other people to ‘use’ me and then abruptly discard me when they had exhausted everything they could use.

There are moments in my life that I wish I had never ended and I desperately try to hold on to these… and moments that I wish I had never allowed to exist. I want to be able to go back in time and walk up to these people and say, “You’ve wasted my precious minutes and I’d like to get them back so I can reuse them in happy memories.”

My passion for my life and my artwork expands from this and I try to make different (better) decisions than in the past. This has become an expression of my being and often a way to explain and sometimes reflect on my past. Holding on to something from the past in the hope that it will never escape. But I know with every ounce of my being that time is fleeting.

I inhale… I exhale… and another moment passes.

I go to sleep at night and lie in bed wondering what I could have done differently today. It’s not because I feel the need to question the decisions I’ve made…just to help me make better decisions for tomorrow. I only have so many minutes… I don’t want to waste them.

1 minute = 12 breaths

60 minutes = 720 breaths

24 hours = 17,280 breaths

1 week = 120,960 breaths

1 month = 3,628,800 breaths

1 year = 43,545,000 breaths

43 years = 1,872,460,800 breaths

and counting….