Saying I love you: what to do when you don’t say it in return

You did it. Maybe you meant to or maybe you just got caught up in the moment. Regardless of what stimulated him, she has now told her man that she loves him and all she got in return was a “thank you” or a nervous smile. It’s a terrible feeling, isn’t it? You have bared your heart and soul to this man and he couldn’t muster the courage to respond in kind. Now you feel uncomfortable every time you see him and wonder how he really feels about you. What’s a girl to do in your situation? As much as you want to run around and bury your face in the sand, there’s a better way to deal with this. Telling a man you love him too soon isn’t the end of the world, although it certainly may seem like it is.

Shame is the emotion you’re going to feel like you’re drowning in if you told him you loved him and he didn’t tell you the same. It’s natural to feel like you wish you could take the words back, and it’s hard not to question whether the relationship was really as close and connected as you thought it was. As much as you feel like guessing what you feel, don’t. Men and women actually fall in love at different rates. Even though you may be head over heels in love with him right now, she may still be on the verge of falling in love. That’s not to say he won’t eventually. It’s just that his emotional maturity may not allow him to feel as much as you do.

You cannot re-run the encounter and erase the words. They are out there now and you have to deal with the consequences of that. Many women in your situation are inclined to discuss what happened with the man in question. That seems reasonable and emotionally responsible, but there’s a catch. By mentioning it, you open yourself up to the possibility that he won’t tell you that he loves you either. While that may not be the motivation behind your wanting to talk about what happened, there will be an unspoken expectation that he will just blurt out the words and the issue will become a point of silence.

A much better and emotionally safer approach for you is to shift the focus away from what you said and instead focus on moving the relationship forward without any expectations. That means you need to change your frame of mind a bit and stop focusing on the fact that you are crazy about this man and that he hasn’t shared those same feelings with you yet. Take the time to rebuild your burgeoning connection without speaking of love or devotion. Arrange some fun outings for the two of you and talk about safe and neutral things like work or the weather.

Once you reinvent the relationship and draw attention away from your ill-timed confession of love, he will relax and open up more. Then, once he tells you that he loves you back, you’ll know that he comes from a pure place within his heart and not from feeling pressured by you.