Keeping your teen in school when they refuse to go

Why does a teenager refuse to go to school?

Years ago, my first reaction when I heard complaints from parents and teachers was the “you’re the mom, you make her go to school” attitude. About a year ago I met Mary, a 15-year-old sophomore who had just left a very large high school for a smaller high school when she was living with her father. At the time I was working as a Guardian ad Litem and was referred to this family because the parents were fighting over custody. I was an impartial party who after my investigation had to make recommendations to the court.

One of the main concerns is that Mary’s mom didn’t force her to go to school. Too embarrassed to go to school: I talked to Mary and found out what her reasons were for not wanting to go to school. She said that she has been failing for a long time and that she just didn’t see the point. We talked about the specific problems she was having. She said that she doesn’t understand the job they were giving her. She said that she couldn’t read or understand what the homework was and instead of being embarrassed, she just didn’t go to school.

The father was very insistent that Mary come to live with him and his new family. They were in a smaller school district and Mary would receive more attention and instruction. Mary had started the school year there because her father refused to let her go back to her mother. Mary went to school and played volleyball and she really seemed to be fine. They suggested evaluating Mary to see if she did in fact have a disability and to identify both her strengths and her weaknesses.

Research:

Later in my research, Mary finally admitted that when she lived with her mom, she was responsible for her 3-year-old brother. Her mom didn’t work but according to Mary, her mom was never home and there were no consequences when Mary missed school. There were so many red flags that she didn’t know where to start.

Mary was begging to be allowed to live with her dad and continue to go to school from her dad’s house. She said that if she was forced to go back to her mother, she would run away from her.

Upon inspection of the mother’s house, it was adequate, however, I smelled cat urine immediately upon entering the house. That was another concern raised by the father: the house was in a deplorable condition. Mary’s mom admitted that the house was a mess but she had been cleaning for 3 days before my visit.

The impression that Mary’s mom gave me was how unmotivated she was. She had never finished high school, she didn’t have a job and hadn’t for at least four years. While I’m pro-housewives, I’m one, you don’t live off the system and child support. Mary’s mom did. I asked her what would happen if she demanded that Mary go to school and she said that Mary would do almost anything she had to do to leave, including starting fights if the time came.

I’m a firm believer that when you make recommendations about custody and visitation, I really listen to the teens. If Mary was forced to live with her mother, she had every intention of running away from her and making her mother’s life so miserable that she would give up the fight and allow him to move in with her father. eventually.

Uploads Filed On Mom:

At one point, Mary’s mother was accused of failing to ensure that Mary attended school. Even that was a disaster. Her mom would have rather dealt with the police than with Mary’s unwillingness to go to school.

Recommendations:

Following my recommendation, Mary now lives full time with her father and is receiving appropriate services and doing very well. Mary now attends extracurricular activities and is almost at grade level with her. She was identified as having a learning disability and, once it was determined, she began receiving additional services. The family is now in counseling with Mary and she is gaining confidence and self esteem that she didn’t have when I met her.

When a child does not go to school there is a reason. Find out what the reason is and fix it. Even if he can’t figure out why, do something, don’t just sit on the problem and do nothing. It may be as easy a solution as Mary’s problems were.