Are you a social chameleon? (Read this to find out!)

To truly understand the concept of Emotional Intelligence (of which being a “Social Chameleon” is one dimension), I urge you to read Daniel Goleman’s book titled “Emotional Intelligence.”

Emotional Intelligence (EI) is a SOCIAL skill and has a number of key dimensions that can be used to assess any person in an attempt to measure their proficiency or proficiency with respect to that skill. No one is “born” with a fixed EI. You can develop your IE by learning.

An important dimension of EI is “Interpersonal Efficacy: the ability to get along with others, including people you don’t like.”

Now, this is why EI is a skill that must be learned. Not everyone can get along with this (ie get along with others) successfully. However, learning to do so could determine how successful one will be in life, especially if they choose to function in a social environment that places a high premium on that dimension of EI.

Getting along with others requires that you make a good impression on the people you interact with. It requires being able to quickly determine what those with whom you interact “like” or “interest” you, in order to skillfully/subtly align yourself in a way that makes those people “think or feel” that you share likes or interests. Similar.

Those who are able to master this skill of “Effective Impression Management” often achieve their goal of having successful relationships with many different types of people, in different social settings. And in many cases, this skill helps them succeed in professions/vocations such as – acting, trial law, sales, diplomacy, and politics – where one may find themselves dealing with people they don’t like.

Consequently, they become “social chameleons”, people capable of changing or adapting more or less at will to suit the social environment in which they find themselves.

And that brings me to the point of the title of this article. When someone with this ability takes it to the negative extreme, where he begins to apply it without “integrity”. That is, when he does it without being true to his inner values. I mean, when he becomes DUPLICATE, deliberately showing a face to the world, while hiding his true self inside, with an eye to DECEIVE and MANIPULATE others for further benefit. At this point, he would have become a social chameleon WITHOUT AN ANCHOR!

In case you haven’t figured it out yet, the ANCHORLESS Social Chameleon is the person who uses their interpersonal skills/”social polishing” DISHONESTLY, to exploit those with whom they associate. Another word for it, as mentioned above, is DUPLICITY – the quality of having TWO FACES (Not Idibia O!), or “speaking from both sides of the mouth”. You NEVER know what people like this really believe or stand for, especially on ethical or moral issues.

In society, they are the people who jump from one political party platform to another at the slightest hint that they may have better fortunes doing so. Today they speak in favor of a cause and tomorrow against it. It’s often about them and how what they do ultimately benefits them. They use their skills to assess which of two or more opposing groups has the greatest chance of winning, and skillfully play to where they will benefit most.

When such people exist in large numbers in any society, very often REAL development, or positive changes that can benefit the vast majority, take longer to happen. This is because in such places, disinterest tends to be a quality that is abhorred. The few who are willing to selflessly act in such a way will often find themselves being used by such anchorless social chameleons to get ahead, leading to frustration for the former!

Any social group or organization that wishes to develop and progress (be it a business, a family, an association or a nation) needs to ensure that its members are “trained” as early as possible in life to (as Daniel Goleman put it) “use their social polish more in accordance with their true feelings…” so that they can act according to their “deepest feelings and values ​​regardless of the social consequences”.

Summary

Every person has the ability to LEARN or DEVELOP their EI. As long as a child receives early guidance to identify and develop the various dimensions of EI, he or she will eventually become a socially competent adult, capable of engaging in reasonably balanced and successful interactions with others.

However, I have found it important to focus on, regarding this important “meta” skill, that NO ONE should use EI as an excuse to be “insincere or misleading”, to be “popular”.

In a couple of cases, some people expressed the opinion that another person was not acting with IS because that person refused to engage with them on certain fronts. Or maybe he was unwilling to grant them certain concessions they requested. Does that really mean that a person is NOT Emotionally Intelligent? Should we believe that Emotionally Intelligent people are those who DO NOT say NO to the requests of others?

My answer, which I know is the correct answer to the above questions, is NO. Being emotionally intelligent does NOT mean that you will no longer be able to say NO to people who ask you to do something you DON’T want to do, especially if you are CONVINCED that you have a good reason not to do it.

In fact, I’d say the onus is on the other person to ASK why they’re saying NO, especially if they haven’t in the past. Assuming that you, as the person asking for a favor, are the only one with valid needs that require priority attention is a HUGE lapse in Emotional Intelligence. Why is this so? Get Goleman’s book and read it to find out.

FINAL WORDS: So now that you’ve read this, let’s get back to my title in question format: Are you a social chameleon?

If your answer is YES, I congratulate you for having that level of self-control that surely opens doors for you, in your relationships with others.

HOWEVER, and this is IMPORTANT, it is crucial that you remain alert to the need to avoid crossing over to the negative end of this skill scale, where you begin to function without EMOTIONAL INTEGRITY. If you don’t, you’ll become the ANCHORLESS social chameleon described above, which could cause you great embarrassment if someone else (possibly a “social chameleon” with integrity) decides to accept you!

NB: You can Google “Emotional Intelligence” and “Social Chameleon” for more information.