Whose line is this anyway?

From time to time parents ask me for help in disciplining their children. It’s a different age than when many of us were children and yesterday’s discipline techniques don’t work today. Many of them anyway.

I have a great discipline assignment with a touch of NLP that makes it easy for you and useful for your child. Let’s have a quick talk about discipline first.

I have a word for you – consistency. There are too many children I know in my office or through parents whose only consistency is that there is no consistency. There is no consistency of rules, rewards, consequences, punishments, etc. Every day their new rules wake up. This can be very, very confusing for children. Children need rules, limits, and consistency.

When I work with parents to increase their parenting skills, consistency is the main downfall. During our conversations, you might ask what kind of reward and consequence methods they use and a standard comment is “but that doesn’t work for us.” To me that simply means that any method may not have been used consistently. This may be because it is too difficult to implement or simply not effective.

Everything you do should be easy to implement, otherwise, you will give up! If you. Your child will do nothing to help ensure that his consequences are followed; that’s the parent’s job. My favorite stories are the ones with a long ‘can’t …’ list like this: “You (the child) can’t watch TV, talk on the phone, use the computer, play games, invite friends, go with your friends, nothing, nothing. You are punished for two weeks! “Two days after the punishment began, the child goes to the parents. I’m bored … the parents’ response is “go watch TV.” Punishment ended. Child – one point. Father, nothing. If it’s too difficult to manage, maintain, or maintain, it won’t work.

This is one of my best discipline / consequence methods that works for any 6-16 year old. Here’s how it works (some of you may remember this from school):

1. Buy your child a notebook (spiral, exercise, etc.) that is his own. If you have more than one child, this means more than one book. One for = one child.

2. Choose a place in the house where your child can sit undisturbed for 5-30 minutes (or more). This place should be outdoors (not in your room) and not in a previously anchored place (that is, where the child always sits at the table is anchored to eat).

3. Explain this consequence to your children; here is an example:

From now on, there will be a constant consequence when you don’t follow the family rules. I will give you a warning that you are not following the rules. If you continue, you will stop what you are doing, go get your notebook and sit at the table and write x pages of lines. We will draw up the line together. As you write the lines, you will not speak, get up from your seat, or do anything but write. If you speak, stand up, or anything other than writing, that will add 1 page of lines. You will sit there until you are complete. When writing, all lines must be handwritten. If not, it will remake the entire page. Once you are done, you will apologize in words and then you can continue your day. Do you have any questions?

4. A general rule of thumb is 1 page of lines (1 line per line) per year of age. So 6 years = 6 pages. Depending on the size of the book, you may want to modify it. Some families choose 20 lines per year of age (6 years = 120 lines).

5. When choosing the line to write, keep it simple and positive based on what you want your child to learn and do in the future:

• No: I will not hit my brother.
• Yes: I will treat my brother with respect.
• No: I’m not going to scream.
• Yes: I will find better ways to express my anger.
• No: I will not cheat on my homework.
• Yes: I will do my own work to the best of my ability.

6. Make sure you and your entire family (and caregivers) know what the family rules are and that all responsible adults consistently follow this consequence!

The feedback I have received from parents on this simple consequence has been wonderful. Property is given to the child. The sooner they complete the task (legibly), the sooner they can play again or whatever next. I have a client who takes the notebooks everywhere and has the children doing this task in the car, in a restaurant, in family homes, etc.

What I love about this task is this:

• Provides instant ‘wait time’
• It’s easy to manage – anyone can implement it (tell the babysitter!)
• Can be done anywhere
• It focuses on what you want to happen in the future.

If this task is done consistently, it could become one of your favorite consequences, however, it might not favor your children!