What makes a teenager tick

Everyone knows that adolescence is a difficult period of human growth and development. This is when the sudden influx of hormones creates physiological changes that prepare the child to be able to reproduce. In some societies or cultures, the ability to reproduce marks the individual as an adult. This is not the case in the United States, because the legal age of adulthood is 18 years of age. Since puberty typically occurs between the ages of 10 and 13, this leaves a window of 5 to 8 years during which the parents are still responsible for the emerging adult. what we call adolescence

Initial adolescence

Hormonal changes create the adult body automatically and beyond the control of the individual. The first indication is that the child begins to grow taller. Because growing up is physical labor, although adults don’t usually see it that way, the weary adolescent longs for sleep. The ironic part of this is that the body releases growth hormones during sleep, so the individual is chronically tired from growing up. As any parent knows, a tired child is irritable and difficult. That’s how teenagers are.

Accompanying growth are the markers of secondary sexual characteristics that we label as puberty. Females begin menstruation, develop curvy breasts and hips. Males experience physical arousal, thickening of the vocal cords, and beginning to grow facial hair.

For men and women, these are wonderful and embarrassing changes that each individual must balance with increased responsibilities at school. Students change teachers and are no longer accountable to one person during the school day. Teachers expect higher levels of independent work and responsibility for completing assignments. Assignments are longer in duration, which actually creates difficulties for teens distracted by the effects of hormones and their increased need for sleep.

Adolescence

Usually in the early teen years, full adolescence is in full swing. They lack a proper “social filter” in their thought process; comments often result in a foot-to-mouth social “illness” where relationships blow up and they have no idea what caused the difficulties. Ordinary events trigger emotional outbursts, often inappropriate in scale and duration. Eyeballs roll whenever adults give directions or attempt to discipline. Raised voices, swearing, and insolence typify all “conversations” followed by grumpy behavior, slamming doors, or seclusion in their bedrooms. Asking permission to go somewhere or do something often ends in arguments punctuated with “why not” or “everyone else can do/go…” when parents say “no”. Older teens, usually boys, may even get into physical confrontations or challenges with father figures.

teen management

The behavior management and discipline that worked for the child does not work for the adolescent. It’s not just the apparent hormonal and physical changes that are happening. The adolescent is developing an adult thought process. Just as they discovered their fantasies about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy when they were 6 to 8 years old, teens realize that adults (especially their parents) aren’t perfect and don’t know everything. . Their apparent “why” or “why not” challenges are actually attempts to expose adult reasoning to them. Unfortunately, most parents respond as if the teen is challenging her authority, and a relationship of power and control develops that is not beneficial to either the individual or the family as a whole.

The best way to handle teenagers is to guide them through their reasoning in any situation. It is easy? Usually, but it takes a long time. Consider the time you spend reasoning with them as the time you spend teaching them the skills they need as adults. Adolescence is marked by egocentric thinking and behavior (just like infancy and early childhood, but in different ways). Teenagers often do not understand the ramifications and consequences of actions. Parents are concerned about the safety and well-being of their children. Just because the adolescent knows where she is, his friends, and the environmental conditions that affect them all, the egocentric thought process assumes that the parent knows as well.

Teens need to learn to think in terms of other people’s points of view. They need to learn to see beyond the obvious and understand the limitations of time, effort, and money. They need to learn that their trust can be misplaced, that their security can be easily compromised. They need to learn the step-by-step analytical process for determining cause and effect in social relationships, especially those in which someone else has authority and/or control.

Decision making

Adolescence is a time when people want to exercise their “adult” powers by testing their decision-making skills. Unfortunately, the school curriculum is not about how to make decisions, and parents are often not aware of the need or how to teach what they do automatically. Decision making begins with the selection of available options. Again, unfortunately, many people don’t know how to figure out their options. Since every choice has consequences, many of which may be unforeseen, and decisions involve long-term planning that often eludes adolescents’ egocentric reasoning powers, their decision-making and choices often result in frustration, failure and emotional reactions.

Parents need to start teaching their children how to make decisions by having them make structured decisions. From those successful experiences, they can help their children understand the consequences of actions and take the first steps in making simple decisions. Guidelines for teaching these skills can be found on the Parent Modules page on Parents Teach Kids.