Wachovia Championship

Diary of a week of disability:

Thursday I didn’t make it to the couch to watch golf from 3-6pm. Now checking scores on pgatour.com. I see a thumbnail of Sean O’Hair at the top of the leaderboard. I chose him squarely and toe-to-toe over Luke Donald. Sweet. O’Hair looks like Ewan McGregor in the mini photo. I tell myself, may the force be with you, Sean.

Later: Donald finishes off two shots back. Two other all-time picks work well: John Rollins shoots a pair of 70s. Arron Oberholser shoots 71. Good form heading into Friday, though I don’t like Donald being so close.

Friday:
I checked online around 11:30 to see O’Hair’s head still on top! He birdied the first hole to go to -6! I check online again and see that he dropped one in the second, while Brett Wetterich birdied the second, joining O’Hair. (I can’t see Wetterich’s mini head because I haven’t clicked on his scorecard; I just open the scorecards of my three direct picks and the heads-up challenger, and sometimes one or two notables, like Vijay and Mickelson, as is the case this week.) My other two direct heads — Oberholser and Rollins — are so far down the page that I stop scrolling. I do this which is totally ridiculous and probably speaks to psychological issues that have yet to be discovered, but I do this where I say, in my head, I’m like, well guys, if you’re not making moves, if I have to scroll down that far to see you I’m not going to move. You have to go up for face time. It’s crazy talking to little heads. I know this. The same kind of fandom psychological reasoning is at play when your team loses and you couldn’t watch the game for some reason, or you missed a snap or even an at bat, and bad things happened, your team lost, or something situationally undesirable. it happened and you think, dammit, if I had been there it wouldn’t have happened! If I was watching in my regular spot with my regular shirt on, that wouldn’t have happened!

Checking a few hours later: O’Hair won 7! I watch the computer for half an hour, long enough to watch his little head birdie in the ninth. He is -8. I am happy but also very aware that this happens to me every week. I have a guy in the lead or near the lead on Thursday and Friday and by Sunday he’s gone and hard to find.

I go to the gym, find an open TV, click on Golf Channel and start running. O’Hair bogeys 13, then 15 and I think, stay under par for the round, stay that way, I’ll take par on the last three holes. And that’s what happens, except he’s maddening because he has a short birdie attempt at 16 and doesn’t hit it enough, yip yip. The 17 leaves another little short. Donald had just contributed from further back for birdie. Donald leads. Oberholser and Rollins make the cut at pair and +1, respectively. They’ll be playing hours before TV starts tomorrow. I’ll check your little heads online around 11. I need you to nod your heads up quick because I don’t like the look of this O’Hair-Donald matchup. .

Saturday:
Morning reading. I have to check and make sure that what I saw last night is true and that the Red Sox have won their last six games against the Yankees, who are 8-13. The NFL draft starts at 11:00. The Patriots need a linebacker, cornerback, safety and wide receiver. To pgatour.com at 10:00 am, where I see that John Rollins has bogeyed the first one. Barring has a really bad day as of now, he’s out of luck. Oberholser also needs to come down. O’Hair leaves at 12:31. I’ll be in the community garden. Plan to leave the world of sports until three or four, when the golf coverage will be on and the Sox-Yankees game will begin.

3:00 Return from the garden. O’Hair’s head is now T4, it’s up to six. A guy named Michael Allen is -5 through 10 holes, and one behind Scott Verplank, who is -3 on the day, -8 for the tournament and is in the lead. Rollins went -4 and sits at -3 for the tournament, probably too far back, but moved on moving day. Oberholser is nowhere in sight. I will not scroll down.

4:00 Scored a TV to watch golf in the gym. Two of the other teams were already in the draft and Red Sox-Yankees. The Patriots took a safety from Miami. O’Hair has three holes to play and is six shots behind leader Donald. Another promising week down the tubes in a few hours.

Sunday:
By checking in at 2:00, Rollins is making a move that is nothing more than a tease. He is -4 on six holes, -7 for the tournament, three backs from Donald. In other news, the Patriots traded a fourth round pick for Randy Moss. That could be very good.

None of my guys are in sight at the end. Verplank wins. My game is Nationwide Tour at best on the weekend…

The double loss week, one and a half units, brings my season total to -7.3 units. I have a quote for consolation, David Brent quoting Dolly Parton: “If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain.”

At this week’s Wachovia Championship, we have a tough course at Quail Hollow and a nasty, long, wet 17th that will be a good prelude to the island 17th at Sawgrass.

Take Tiger Woods (5-2), 1/6 unit: This is a warm-up for TPC, but Tiger is Tiger. Playing a pro-am round with Michael Jordan would distract almost any other golfer except Tiger.

Take Vijay Singh (18-1), 1/6 unit: The FedEx Cup leader is having a quiet big year. Putting much better. I’d be surprised if he doesn’t win at least one more.

Take Stephen Ames (80-1), 1/6 unit: Nothing spectacular but consistently good and doesn’t fret. I like it in a difficult field.

Heads-up, take Vaughn Taylor over Luke Donald (6-5), 1 unit: Taylor continues to play well. I picked him up a couple of weeks ago at Verizon Heritage, where he finished T4. He finished T6 at Quail Hollow last year, T5 the year before.