The Magic of ‘No’ in a Negotiation

Good negotiators always focus on how to get the other party to say “yes.” This has proven to be an effective approach because it shifts the focus from “what do I want” to “what do they need from me to get them to agree?” It means that most of your effort is spent trying to keep them from saying “no.”

Great negotiators, however, go further. Instead of trying to avoid the “no,” they work with it to move the process forward. This is because in a negotiation it is easier for people to say “no” than “yes”. Chris Voss, who spent 25 years as the FBI’s chief hostage negotiator, has shared his experiences in his recent book, Never split the difference – Trade like your life depended on it. In some of the most difficult negotiations with some of the most dangerous negotiating parties, he had much more success with “no” than with “yes.” While we may not be dealing with criminals and terrorists (hopefully!), we can learn a lot from Chris’s methods.

In any negotiation, it is easier to say “no” than “yes.” “No” is a protection word: protect them from what they don’t want. “Yes” is a word of commitment, and the moment we say it, we care about what we have committed to. It gets worse the more we say “yes”. In the back of your mind is that warning voice that asks, “What are you getting yourself into here?”

So if saying “no” is easier for the other party, why don’t we use this? Can we change our questions so that saying “no” gives us the result we want? The answer is a resounding yes!” Here are a few examples:

1. Instead of asking, “Is this a good time to talk?”

Quiz: “Is this a bad time to talk?”

2. Instead of asking, “Do you think we can come to an agreement here?”

Try: “Can you see anything that stands in the way of us coming to an agreement here?

3. Instead of asking, “Can you help me here?”

Try: “Is there something stopping you from helping me here?”

The principle in a nutshell is: can you rephrase your question so that an answer of “no” moves the process forward? This technique is a game changer. I have been applying it for some time in many different environments and it works!