Marijuana and false lighting

I smoked marijuana for many years. I liked marijuana because it helped me forget about the mess that was my life, but I also liked it for the effect it had on me. While most people switch off, go la-land, and forget when they smoke weed, people tell me things like “you’re the only person I know whose mind sharpens when you get high.”

Pot gave me the effect of lighting and realization. My thoughts would become crystal clear, extremely vivid and reveal deeply “spiritual” things to me. He could see in people with profound clarity and could psychoanalyze them with great precision. People found it amazing. Some liked it, but many found it very close to reality and stopped hanging out with me when he was high.

The high for me mimicked the realization and perception so closely that it made me unable to see the evil spirit behind it all for a long time. He played into this by revealing deep things to me, showing me true things, making me come back for more. But what he never revealed to me was that ALL of this was happening from within my thought world, from within my ego universe where I was enlightened and sure that what I was seeing was true, because it was.

Can you see how incredibly subtle this evil was? How terribly confusing can this be? How can good be bad? Few have any idea how terribly intoxicating and addictive it can be. It would be some time before I realized that IT supported me and kept me attached to the seemingly “good” thing in my mind that wasn’t good at all. In truth he was attached to an ungodly spirit within standing in the place of the Holy One.

Little did I know then that my motivation and timing had me wrong, even when I was technically correct about what I would see and what I would say. Thank God for the pain in other aspects of my life that led me to meditate, because by meditating I was finally able to see the big lie behind the powerful but wicked “voice of good” inside my mind, and find freedom from this terribly addictive slavery.