How to reduce the stress of grief

Although the resulting loss and grievance is a condition of existence, few realize that it has a devastating physical cost to the bereaved. This is due to the fact that many people grieving through divorce or the death of a loved one often have cold or flu symptoms, or end up with severe headaches or an upset stomach.

For over 40 years I have taught that for every thought and emotion we have there is a corresponding physical manifestation of that thought or emotion on a cellular level. In terms of bereavement, constant stressful thoughts of life without the deceased, poor eating habits, and inability to sleep often result in a compromised immune system and eventually some form of illness.

What can be done to move forward and reduce the emotional and physical stress associated with grief? Here are seven approaches to consider in coping with your loss or helping someone else you’re supporting.

1. Everyone needs physical outlets for emotional stimuli. This is because the anxiety and tension of grief manifests itself in muscle tissue. Consequently, as difficult as it may be, it is helpful to incorporate some form of exercise into your self-care plan. Go for a walk, do yoga, find some way to get your heart rate up. Depression will be minimized, a surge of endorphins will improve your mood and you will regain some of your energy and stamina.

I know you’ve heard all about exercise, but don’t make the mistake of minimizing the great importance of this means of reducing stress in the long hallway. A 10-minute walk is all it takes, and if you bring a friend along, all the better. We need each other.

2. Be sure to take a rest period every day. You may feel fatigued from lack of sleep (which is quite normal) or from people trying to keep you company or being on the go for most of the day. Insist on being alone for a short period of relaxation. Find a quiet place in your home, put your feet up, and scan your body for tense areas. When you locate one, visualize exhaling your light-filled breath through the tense area. Feel the sensation of release. Remember: do this every day.

3. Fake it till you make it. Caroline Myss, the medical intuitive, said, “Most people suffer not because of what others have done to them, but because of what they do to themselves.” You always have the power to choose which thoughts you will allow to dominate your thinking and your stress levels. Use the catchphrase “fake it till you make it” as a reminder that you can periodically act as you wish and change constant painful thoughts into loving thoughts about the deceased and what you learned from meeting him. . The mental change will affect the physical feelings.

4. On the other hand, don’t make the mistake of running away from your pain all the time. You will add stress to your life. The ups and downs are necessary and natural for mourning. You can overdo the tips to keep yourself busy. Cry and face the pain is better advice. Then try a distraction or rest.

5. Try water therapy or a massage. Soaking in a jacuzzi can provide much-needed relief from the stress and anxiety of grief. Or put some scented liquid soap in your bathtub and relax in the warm water. At the very least, allow your shower to provide some release each day. Also, at the right time try a massage. Massage and the power of touch regulate the body’s natural chemicals that affect mood. You will feel the energy shift.

6. Nutrition helps you control stress. If you don’t feel like eating, try drinking a liquid meal. Substitute spring water for the offer of another cup of coffee. There are three things that will guarantee more stress in your life: lack of food, water or love. Once these needs are consistently met, take the energy you have saved and direct it toward honoring your deceased loved one.

7. Use your breath as your first line of defense against stress. Periodically throughout the day bring your attention to your breath. This can be done virtually anywhere. Deliberately take a few deep abdominal breaths and silently repeat “Slow down” or choose any phrase you like that will help you relax.

8. Make a daily “to do” list. List where you will be going, what you are responsible for, and include your rest period and one positive thing you will do just for yourself. Start a project that will be your work in progress and put it on your “to do” list. This could be a collage, scrapbook, journal or treasure chest dedicated to your loved one or something for your children. Structure will help you reduce stress, but don’t become a slave to it. Rearrange it during the day if you feel it is necessary.

9. All of the above has focused on you. This final recommendation is about what you can do for others by stepping outside of yourself. Dr. Dean Ornish, the only person to prove that heart disease can be reversed, says it best: “Love promotes survival. Both nurturing and being nurtured are life-affirming. Anything that takes you out of yourself promotes healing, in profound ways that can be measured, independent of other known factors, such as diet and exercise.”

As your grievance progresses, get out of yourself, keep loving and thinking outside the box. This will nourish your spirit, which is in as much need as your body and mind.

Finally, vigilance and discipline are needed to manage stress levels during bereavement. You will need to establish a routine to take care of yourself and practice the necessary changes. You can’t do it all at once. Persist and stay committed to your goal. Don’t let a glitch or two make you quit your stress reduction program. Make it part of your new life forever.