Are you smart enough and man enough to wear Ugg brand boots?

In the late 70’s I saw my first pair of ugg boots on a surf trip to Mexico with some friends of mine. Five of us were barely a year out of high school when we headed to a surf spot called Quattro Casas, which is a couple of hours south of Ensenada. The bumpy and bumpy road made for a sweaty ride but we eventually made it to the breakwater sporting a fast wave taking off to the right at one point. We surfed intermittently until dusk when everyone finally got out of the water.

At this point we peeled off our wetsuits and started to get comfortable and that’s when I noticed the ugliest footwear I’d seen since disco-influenced platform boots. My friend Robert was wearing these … things on his feet. “What the hell are those supposed to be?” I exclaimed. The other boys now listening to my distress turned and started laughing once they laid eyes on the Australian sheepskin boots. “They’re called Ugg Boots and I bought them from Hanifin’s Surf Shop in Newport,” Robert said as he proudly displayed the stupid ankle boots. “They are made from 100% sheepskin. A lot of surfers in Australia use them,” he said, removing one and showing us the fluffy interior. Our quickness to judge immaturely overtook us as we all fell into place laughing. Immediately, as was typical of the time period, we began with Robert with verbal attacks and gay innuendo. “Those are some pretty goofy looking boots you have there, Robert,” Chuck commented with a sneer. “Dude, is there anything else you are going to tell us? Are you going out? Oh, I really wasn’t ready for this. Should I have brought flowers, maybe a card or something?” Phil said with a slightly serious tone of concern in his homophobic voice. “Does this mean you won’t be drinking beer with us anymore? You know, we buy a lot. I’m not going back to town to buy you Chardonnay, my fruity friend.” We thought we were all too funny when we broke Robert’s chops and laughed at ugly ugg boots that, for all we knew, Robert could have made himself.

After a ten minute verbal beating on Robert with him valiantly defending his surfing and sexual prowess and Australian uggs, we finally settled in. Robert continued to wear his boots bravely the rest of the trip and didn’t let us bother him. In fact, I think he ended up surfing better than the rest of us on that trip. Maybe our hack on him and his silly boots made him emotionally stronger? Or maybe you just drank less beer? Or maybe his feet weren’t chewed as much as some of us?

See that Robert ended up with the last laugh because at the end of the trip, we all wish we had some classic ugg boots. The rest of us had worn sandals, which didn’t keep our feet protected or warm at night. We slept on the cliff above the surf break and my feet, like the other guys, got cold at night. Made sleeping difficult. Robert wore his boots all night and slept comfortably. He made sure we knew this because he rubbed it on our faces every morning. But that was only half. Robert was not attacked on the feet and ankles by angry velvety ants or bloodthirsty killer beetles. The attack of these insects was so strong that one side of my foot looked like flesh-colored bubble wrap from so many bites and stings. It also hurt a lot. Yes, at the end of the trip, I think we all would have preferred to suffer the humiliation of wearing ugly-looking boots rather than dealing with the pain and suffering that we go through.

Funny how function beats appearance when it comes to being comfortable. Now, twenty years later, I have a pair of ugg boots and I think ugly things are one of the best purchases I have ever made. I wish I was smart enough and man enough to buy them sooner.