An old coping strategy that still works

Are you looking for a way to ease the pain of your great loss? Have you tried the common warnings to keep busy or try not to think about what you’ve lost and they don’t seem to help? It will be worth your time and energy to consider what has been helpful to millions over the years.

I’m talking about the miraculous way that finding opportunities to be of service to others has eased the heavy burden of coping with the death of a loved one. Stop, don’t dismiss this mindlessly before giving it an honest try. You cannot help another without helping yourself.

It all starts with having a sincere intention to serve and embracing the truth that making the world a better place is worth the effort. Intention is central to any commitment we make and sets the mood that begins healing.

How does helping others help us deal with the death of a loved one? Here are some of the ideas others have gotten and shared.

1. Selfless service forces you to interact with others in a variety of ways. As adults, we all have a natural tendency to give love, attention, and assistance. Maybe it’s because of the way such acts of kindness bring us closer to others. But we must be open to looking for opportunities to bring our skills, experiences, and treasures to those in need. As Robert Louis Stevenson said: “While we love, we serve.” We need each other.

2. Achievements always have a positive effect on the way we think about ourselves. This is especially important when we are dealing with a great loss, as we are sad and in low spirits. We need the boost that comes with easing another’s pain or brightening their day. Perhaps this is why Emerson advised: “It is one of the loveliest compensations in life, that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.”

3. Serving others reduces the time we spend replaying painful memories of thoughts surrounding the death of our loved one. A single thought can cause great pain or start to bring peace. Serving others takes us out of ourselves when we turn our attention to others. It can be as simple as making a phone call to an inmate while they are lying in bed or getting up and taking your place in a service line for those in need of a meal.

4. Your service will positively affect your biological response to the death of your loved one. Grievance is not simply an emotional response. Every thought we have affects our physiology, either positively or negatively. Getting out, interacting with others, and reflecting on how you are helping those in need will affect your physiology in a healthy way; especially it will give your immune system a boost and reduce stress levels.

5. You will be on the path of inner peace. Part of your life journey may be filled with moments of gratitude that come to you through your work with others. It can put into perspective what you still possess but has eluded you: the ability to find peace. It will show you the importance of all the little things you have that we commonly take for granted. And the joy of acceptance, approval and appreciation of what you achieve through service will bring peace back into your life.

And never forget; be sure to allow others to give to you. By doing so, you are giving them the same things we are talking about here: good feelings, good physiology, and an opportunity to express your love. The true service is always a two-way connection.