10 tips to build a lasting lesbian relationship

Falling in love is wonderful, but it really is the easy part of any lesbian relationship. What takes work and commitment is maintaining that relationship even after the passion wears off, which will likely happen over time. Most experts agree that passionate love has a life expectancy of 2 to 4 years. Therefore, compatibility and mutual respect become more and more important as your partnership progresses. Here are some tips to help you. Most are applicable to any relationship, but lesbians have some specific concerns.

• Communication, communication, communication: Don’t let little cracks in your relationship become insurmountable guns! Let your partner know what you are thinking about the big and small things. If something is bothering you, say so. Problems can’t be solved unless you talk about it.
• Spend time with each other: Life’s demands will always get in the way. If you don’t schedule the “Us” time, it probably won’t happen for you. Once a time is blocked on the calendar, you both know to make other commitments at that time. For example, you can block Friday nights as your relationship time.
• Keep It Fresh: You know how the saying goes, “Relationships take work.” Well that’s true, but it doesn’t always have to have a negative connotation. If you introduce an element of surprise into your relationship, it really helps. Bringing flowers home without an occasion, making a reservation at your favorite restaurant, or suggesting an offbeat activity really goes a long way to keeping your association interesting and vibrant.
• Grow Together, Not Separately – A really effective way to keep your relationship strong is to have shared goals. Working with your partner on a project or plan for the future can bring you closer together by increasing your time together and sharing thoughts, dividing responsibilities, and even resolving your areas of disagreement. The ideas can be as simple as joining a group of volunteers or as complicated as buying and restoring an old house in town.
• Maintain healthy external relationships – Difficulties with family and friends can really affect your partner’s health. Stay on good terms with the people who are important to your partner. Solve the problems that exist. Let your partner know that you recognize the importance of their friends and family.
• Sex and intimacy: Avoid “lesbian bed death” at all costs. Sex is an important part of your relationship. Sex is strongly related to intimacy, since the hormone oxytocin is released during sex. That hormone is responsible for enhancing your feelings towards your partner and is essential for long-term bonding. Another powerful hormone, dopamine, is released when you engage in vigorous physical exercise. Dopamine is also believed to be responsible for feelings of passionate love. So if things get a little slow in the bedroom, try taking your partner to our dance before your next sexual encounter!
• Avoid the Green Dragon: Jealousy! Unfortunately, very common in the lesbian community, jealousy can ruin a relationship. Jealousy occurs when there is a lack of trust between partners. If you feel that you are being controlled by a jealous partner or that you are jealous, confront those feelings. Discuss with your partner why you feel threatened in the relationship and leave it behind! Get professional help if you need it.
• Commitment: you can’t always do things your way … and neither can your partner. Commitment implies keeping the relationship on level ground; keeping the balance between you. One strategy is to internally rate how important a problem is to you when you disagree with your spouse. If you silently rate the issue as a 1 or a 2, let it go. If you rate the importance as a 9 or a 10, continue the dialogue and work to find a solution that both of you can live with.
• Stay Connected – Stay in touch with the lesbian / gay community. Unlike straight couples, homosexuals have virtually no social support. Having other LGBT friends, attending LGBT events, and going to local clubs can really avoid the social isolation that many of us suffer from.
• Maintain Good Health: Hey, nothing is sexier and more romantic than a clean, healthy body! Beware. Eat right, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly.

Maintaining a healthy relationship is definitely worth the effort it takes. Just consider how miserable you have been in past relationships that have gone wrong. Then remember how wonderful this woman has made you feel. The trick is to stay in the loop and never, ever take your partner or the relationship for granted. If you make your relationship your number one priority, you will have the best chance of having a happy and fulfilling future together!